Recently I watched a Ted Talk video called “The lies our culture tells us about what matters — and a better way to live” by David Brooks. Here is the link if you would like to view it yourself:

In the course of the 15 minute video there was one line that made me pause and re-listen to what was said.  That one line was:-

“We should love our children more than evolution requires.”  For children I think we should also add grandchildren and great grandchildren and so on. 

This idea that we should love our children more than evolution requires is a powerful statement and needs thinking about to truly understand what the commentator was trying to get across. There was no explanation as to the meaning of this phrase in the video so I thought I would have a go at working out and expressing my own opinion.  Perhaps you may agree with my ideas or would like to work out your own.

If we firstly try to define what love is in this context.  The dictionary on my computer has defined love as “to feel tender affection for somebody such as a close relative or friend, or for something such as a place, an ideal, or an animal – to feel romantic and longing for somebody – to feel and show kindness and charity to somebody – an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion”.  As regards our children, and grandchildren, I am sure that they would fit somewhere within these definitions, if they are fortunate to be living within a loving family or within a loving relationship with carers.

But what does evolution require?  David Attenborough could be a good person to ask. As regards the human species, evolution has created a system whereby the mother/father/carer must feed, protect, teach and nurture the child because it is born helpless.  Children cannot survive on their own – and must be helped up to an age, which is variable, and depends of course upon the child’s development. In that caring, feelings of love should develop both by the mother/father/carer and the child itself.  A bond is formed that helps to ensure the survival of the child and, subsequently, the further propagation of the human species. 

There will be occasions when that love bond, and relationship, does not form as evolution designed, or for some reason, is irreparably broken down.  This can create children, who when they become adults, do not have the personal skills to progress well in life – although this outcome is not always inevitable. This is where hypnotherapy can help in programming, and reprogramming, parents and carers to understand their role and the powerful effect their behaviour, every day, has upon the future of their children.

I expect everyone has seen pictures of turtles burying their eggs in the sand on a beach by moonlight for the baby turtles to hatch and then, by some natural instinct, struggle into the sea. Evolution has created a system for baby turtles that has enabled them to survive. Love does not come into that equation. 

As regards cats, dogs, cows, elephants etc, they are more often than not separated from their offspring.  Whether animals feel love, and feel saddened by that separation is probably something than could be debated without a satisfactory scientific conclusion. 

An important lesson we should be teaching children is that happiness in life is not dependent upon success – whether in relationships, work, career or from any achievement.  Happiness comes from life having a meaning, and working towards whatever that particular meaning at that time in life is.  Everyone will have different “meanings” and these will change with time, and life experience, so we should be slow to judge one another for their life meaning. 

One of the greatest meanings in life can be the raising, and giving loving care, to children so they have good role models for when their time comes to propagate our species – as evolution requires. We as humans have different instincts from the animals who eat, protect, survive, procreate, repeat. One way of achieving happiness in life can be from searching for something beyond ourselves – to have curiosity.  Perhaps to ask the questions “Where do we come from, why are we here and where we are going?”

Developing an understanding, with the help of a qualified and experienced hypnotherapist, can create meaningful goals to bring happiness. 

Don’t forget to always tell your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren that you DO love them more than evolution requires.

Robin Hook